RuGlish or Funny mistakes Russian wives make speaking English

After all, we’re all humans, and humans do make mistakes, don’t we? some mistakes are irritating, but the ones our precious russian wives make are so cute:


A Russian wife is getting ready for her driving test, they approach a crossroad,

She asks "Do I have to turn left?" "Right" replies her husband and she turns right.
"Where are you going?" screams the husband. "But you told me to go right!" says his upset russian wife

right = yes

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Russian wife is showing an old Moscow church to her husband:
"It's a very old church and in the back is a monastery with all the monkeys."

monkeys = monks

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Russian wife is asking her husband:

"do you want me to cook chicken chests for dinner?"

chicken chests = chicken breasts

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Russian wife is talking to her husband:

"you remember Natasha has called me the other day? Imagine, she was on the party and met a nice man there, she is dating now"

on the party = at the party
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Russian wife is asking her husband:

"baby if you are done working, can I use your notebook to send some emails"

notebook = laptop

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Russian wife is talking to her mother-in-law:

"we were downtown and saw they were building new Sky Scratcher"

Sky Scratcher = Sky Scraper

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Russian wife is talking to her husband:

"I had a great morning, I was riding my Bicyclit around the block"

Bicyclit - Bicycle

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Russian wife and her husband went to the beach and got burnt, she says to her husband:

"oh, honey, your 'foreskin' is all burnt"

foreskin = forehead

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Russian wife is writing a letter to her husband:

"my dear sweatheart, I miss you so much..."

sweatheart = sweetheart

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Russian wife is asking her husband:

"dear, do you have to stand up and go to work at 5 am every day?!"

stand up = wake up

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Russian wife at Staples:

"please, Xerox these documents for me"

Xerox = make photocopies

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Russian wife is trying to remember all the days of the week:

".. Monday Tuesday Wednesday Forthday...."

Forthday = Thursday

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Russian wife is cleaning the house and asks her husband:


"honey please, change the shits on the bed"

shits = sheets

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Russian wife is organizing a party with finger food and says:

"we will be having just nipples to eat today"

nipples = nibbles

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Russian wife is talking to her husband:

"I have met our new neighbor in the magazine..."

magazine = store, since in russian magazine means store

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Russian wife and her husband went to the "Open House", she is excited and obviously likes the house:

"Baby, this house is nice and it has sick walls!"

sick = thick

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Russian wife is talking to her husband:
"I haven't had any male for more than a month!"

male = mail

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Russian wife is asking her husband:

"Honey, shave your bird, please"

bird = beard

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Russian wife is talking to her husband:

" we have a massage from your mother on the answering machine"

massage = message

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Russian wife decided to look for a job by herself and went to the nearest store,
she came to a clerk and asked him:

"Do you have a job?"

Do you have a job? = do you have any job openings?

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Russian wife is asking her husband:

"What clock is it?"

What clock is it = what time is it

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Russian wife is talking to her husband:

"let's go to the cinema, I'm so boring"

I'm boring = I'm bored

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Australian husband is talking to his Russian wife:

"It's a nice day today,"

russian wife is in shock "are you crazy, I am not going to die today?"

today in Aussie accent sound like to die

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a husband is asking his russian wife:

"do you want a soda or a beer?"

russian wife replies:

"bear is fine, baby"

bear = beer

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russian wife is watching sex and the city:

" Samantha Jones is such a horse"

horse = whore

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russian wife stubbed her toe on the sidewalk and cried:

"honey, I hurt my finger!"

finger = toe

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russian wife and her husband at the Wild Life Reserve see a baby Elk, she screams:

"honey what a beautiful elk puppy"

elk puppy = calf

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russian wife and her husband are driving down the coast and see the sign "Crab Live"

she asks "do crabs live here?"

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Russian wife is asking her husband:

"sweetie, when next time in town, we need to buy me a counter"

counter = scales

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russian wife and her husband are watching TV and she starts to cry:

"honey, my foot sleeps!"

my foot sleeps = my foot asleep
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at the family reunion, a husband got hit by the ball in the crouch, his loving russian women cries:

"oh, baby you got hit in the eggs"

eggs = nuts , in russian nuts are called eggs
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A russian wife and her husband had a fight, he does not talk to her, she is trying to make up with him:

" dear, talk to me or at least knock "

knock = nod
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A russian wife and her husband are shopping for a new SUV, they take a Chevy Suburban
for a test drive, a Russian wife likes it and says:

" Honey, this is a great jeep "

jeep = SUV in FSU people call SUVs - jeep, jeep Cherokee, jeep Toyota ...
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A russian wife and her husband live not for from Pacific coast, she is asking him:

"Honey, let's go to the b*i*tch this weekend?"

b*i*tch = beach sometimes russians have problem with i and ea sounds
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